I hope you are all having a wonderful day. I love Sundays they are my happy days. Everything moves a little slower, everyone does things that make them happy (I hope). Maybe thats a long walk or hike or going to the farmers market. Things that one can’t normally do during a working week. I hope you take time to do something like that for yourself. We all get caught up on onto the next but try to slow it down atleast for today.
Anyway I writing to you all today with another #coffeeshopthoughts. This one is about standards and expectations. A topic many have talked about but mine is going to be a little different. I am not talking about repercussions of society putting those standards and expectations on us but I will be talking about the standards and expectations we put on ourselves.
I think I have mentioned I have entered a new journey of seeking wellness and balance in my life. I thought if I really seek it and try very hard to do better in myself then I will find it. But after talking to one of my closest friends something hit me and that's balance isn’t a destination. It’s not a I am seeking it so I will find it and live there. Unfortunately like most things in life thats not how it works.Balance is like happiness in that way. You won’t all of a sudden find it and never have to work for it again. I am finding it to be a journey of ups and downs and u-turns and walking on the unbeaten path. But to do that one has to be easy on oneself and not hold themselves to such a standard that mistakes and those downs aren’t taken in stride and instead become road blocks.
I am saying this as no expert. A situation arose in my life and I realized that was worse then that mistake I made was the agony I am put myself through about making the mistake in the first place. That I expected myself to be be a robot and be able to control all my actions and reactions and my surroundings. That I have to be perfect. Just typing that makes my heart hurt. I didn’t realize that I was doing this either and I am unsure how I got away with it for so long when it’s very detrimental to my health/sense of self.
I have always held myself to a high standard as well as the people in my life but I have learned as I’ve gotten older to allow people some room. But I have never allowed that for myself. I never would have thought of myself as a perfectionist because I know it doesn’t exist. I did something else instead, where I constructed my life and tried to control ever single aspect so that mistakes wouldn’t happen. This I think is how I got away with saying oh I am not a perfectionist I don’t hold myself to unachievable standards. Yet here we are me telling you that something finally had to crack that mentality wide open. Because they aren’t so different yet I told myself this. That they were different and then I started to just believe that to be true.
I am opening up to you about this because I think I am not alone in doing this. That for whatever reason we hold ourselves to the standards of society or to what our parents want from us or what we want from ourselves and instead of that being a goal that you want to work towards it becomes chains. That don’t allow any freedom. I have bound myself around these expectations and standards for so long that it will take awhile to continue down my path without them. I think some once they recognize this it won’t be as hard to let go and move forward as it might be for me someone naturally drawn to being a “control freak”. And when I developed my illness oh lord did that controlling nature exasperated itself.
I am also coming to you without a solution. If you have gotten to this point you are probably like seriously girl? You don’t have some kind of answer and way to fix this. And thats correct I don’t and here’s why. Everyone’s “chains” are different. Everyones expectations of themselves is different. So to truly find peace with this you have to address your own as I have to address my own. My only small tidbit of help with this is start to notice the situations those expectations and standards really rear its head. One of mine is controlling every aspect of my health so that I am not the cause of not feeling well. Etc.
Writing this has really helped me find the places I need to work on so I can find some freedom in myself. So I can find that balance. So I can make mistakes and not rip myself a new one over it and hope if you seek this too this is helpful.
Sending love and light.