It has been far too long! How are you all? How was the October for you? Can you believe we are speeding towards the Holidays already? I have stepped away from writing on here for too long and am happy to be back.
I wanted my first post back to be more than just an outfit post so I thought i’d write a #coffeeshopthoughts post for you all talking about the very quote above. That in life we go through so many different seasons. There are seasons of pure happiness and joy, they are seasons of struggle, and seasons of neither struggle nor joy. I wanted to discuss the season I’ve currently been in. Since I started my new full time job in August I have entered one of the most mentally and physically challenging seasons yet. When I started I didn’t realize this would be the case but it has sure proved to be. Because of this I really stepped back from posting on here and creating in general. I kind of lost my spark and my inspiration on what I wanted to share and why.
If you have been around here for awhile you know that I suffer from a chronic illness specifically chronic vertiginous migraine and dealing with that can feel like a full time job in itself. I say that because chronic migraine means you have 15+ migraines a month and I was maxing out 30/30 migraines a month to give you an idea. So to add that to newly working 40+ hours a week took me to really scary place with my health.
I have been so deep in my pain and being part of something so new that I felt like I didn’t recognize myself and that too scared me. I felt lost on what I wanted to talk about or share. I am not out of this season yet and have to face some really big decisions regarding treatment for my condition but when I get moments of relief I try to find some clarity. I realize I am still me, the person with all the other qualities besides my illness. That I am more okay than not okay as my mom would say. I also try to find some take aways from the suffering and see what it’s trying to teach me. That way it doesn’t feel as if I am just struggling for nothing. Which chronic illness can feel like. I highly suggest doing this if you are struggling with anything not just illness. Reflecting can guide you into a better direction.
If you too are in a season of struggle or pain I hope you know you aren’t alone. That people live real hardship behind the beautiful squares on instagram. This brings me to another point, I know I am part of the problem that even though I am dealing with immense hardship I am posting as if I am not, I feels like I am being dishonest. This is another reason I stopped creating and writing because I was so torn about what I was doing. On one hand I wasn’t in a place where I felt like being vulnerable and sharing what I was actually going through and it was easier to act like I was not. On the other hand I felt so dishonest and part of the illusion that social media can be and hated that. So I have pulled way back and am trying to asses how I wanted to participate in the little corner of the internet that I have.
I have done A LOT of reflecting in this season and I think I am slowly finding my way. Something I do know is that I don’t want to be so “curated”. I don’t want to hide behind what I think others would want to see most which is beautifully taken photographs of new clothes and with a nice filter stuck on top. I don’t want to buy a preset that everyone is using to be relevant. I want to create things I love even if they are not what is so trendy right now. I also want to stop with the pressure of posting everyday or twice a day so I don’t lose followers. I want to stop hesitating on writing a blogpost because it might not be interesting to most people.
With all of this said I hope you know that no one is immune to hard seasons in this life even if it seems like they are. I hope something you take away from this is it is okay if you are in a different season in life than your friends or the people you follow on instagram. It’s okay to be where you are even if its just down right hard. Seasons don’t last forever. This is fortunate and unfortunate. The seasons we are the happiest we wish would stay around forever and the seasons that are hardest we wish we could speed through. I am guilty of this and I wish that’s how life worked but we do not get to choose when the seasons change. I am learning to be okay with that.
If you have read this far you are champ! I will be back soon with a more light hearted post for you all.